the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
