I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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