please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
