that's an acceptable place to lick
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
