All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My ass is underappreciated
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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