im holly from the hills drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
