ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
