I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
