I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize