I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my shit smells like andre
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize