..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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