If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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