I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
