I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
