lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
