forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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