I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
