Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
