The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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