Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
