if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
