Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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