worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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