i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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