a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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