Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize