I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
