as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
