dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
