So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize