why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
