sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I believe in your delicious
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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