THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
