i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
