I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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