You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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