I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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