My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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