STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
