Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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