Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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