Buhtt sex?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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