I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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