I skipped work to stalk him.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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