why im i the only drunk person in the library?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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