You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
