Only a mothe r could love this liver
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
