The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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