hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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