somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
