You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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