WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
