I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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