I cockslap morals
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
