jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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