if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
