I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize