Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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