I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
