On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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