the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize