The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
