im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
