I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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