i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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