just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
