She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
