I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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