I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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