Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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